One Year.

So this isn't something I talk about a lot. In fact a lot of people who know me don't know how much it has affected me in the past year. Today is September 17th, 2010. It's been a year since the death of one of my good friends Rachel Clark. I knew this day would come and thought about it several times because it's definitely a date I will never forget. It doesn't feel like a year though. I feel like it was just yesterday and I remember it all so clearly. I was sitting at a table on the left side of Blazer Cafe at the University of Kentucky. I was just finishing up lunch when I received a text saying "Hey is this Maggie Hoffpauir? This is Lauren LeBlanc" I replied back with a quick yeah. The next text said "Did you hear about Rachel's accident?" I sat there, instantly I felt my heart drop as I read these words I was so scared and my first thought was oh no she's going to tell me she's dead. I replied back saying "No what happened? Is she ok?" The next text would change the rest of the day, month, semester, and even year. It said, "She got hit by an 18 wheeler and well she didn't make it through". Even though I had this gut feeling this is what she was going to tell me I never imagined it would be real. I just sat there and cried. I was eating with a guy I was dating at the time and he looked at me and said what's wrong and I just looked at him and said "One of my friends from high school died this morning".

My first reaction was to get on the internet just to make sure this wasn't some cruel joke. I ran to nearest library and logged into facebook only to see so many people before me had posted a status saying things like "RIP Rach" or "You will never be forgotten". As I sat there and stared at the computer screen I couldn't see for a while because my eyes were so full of tears. The rest of the day was kind of a big blur to me. I got several phone calls and texts throughout the day from friends telling me they love me and asking if I was ok. Somehow I managed to get through the rest of my classes that day but I honestly don't know what was taught. All I could think about was Rachel. As I was going through my phone that night I passed by her number and thought about the conversations we used to have through texts.

Not long after graduating from high school Rachel and I talked a lot. I remember her saying I wish we had talked this much in school I really love you and you're an awesome person. She called me her "spicy mexican lover" and she would send me pictures all the time on my phone just when she was bored in class and didn't have anything better to do. Or if she dyed her hair, or got something cute. I had these pictures still stored in my phone and as I looked through them it didn't feel real at all. I sat there and just expected her to call or text saying "Hey they got it wrong I'm still here I'm ok you don't need to cry anymore..." but that didn't happen. Now it's been a year. Some days it still doesn't feel real. I still expect to get a phone call from her saying they made a mistake, and even though I know it's not going to happen I like to have some hope it will.

I miss Rach every single day. I can't even begin to describe the type of person she was. Rachel was one of those people who truly understand what it meant to love people unconditionally. She loved everyone, she didn't choose a "group" to be friends with but was friends with all. She was always there to make people laugh and smile because she hated when people were upset. I remember her sitting in English everyday. We had our seats we would never move from. It was always me in the back, Ashley next to me, Kristen in front of me, and Laura in front of Kristen with Rachel right to Laura. Everyday Rachel came to class sat down and immediately started putting on make up and fixing her hair. Everyday she would complain about her hair looking awful even though it always looked flawless. She is truly one of the most beautiful people I have ever know on the inside and out. She left such a lasting impression on everyone she came in contact with. I am so grateful to be able to call her my friend and have all these wonderful memories of her. As I go throughout this day I know it won't be easy, but I know that Rach is watching me from above.

Rachel, I hope you know how much I love and miss you. I know you're in a better place and watching over me each day. I will never forget you and can't wait til the day I can see you again.